sifting through years of collage material, things i have folded up and held on to for years. when i open the large shallow box that contains them i feel simultaneously soothed and disturbed by my nostalgia. i keep a list of every address i’ve ever lived at. pastel commuter rail tickets to fitchburg. hurtful notes from ex-lovers. beautiful paper i’ve assigned meaning to. they fill a box i could never part with.
but using them is something different. it’s not keeping them or letting them go. it’s putting them in a place more visible to you, or less visible to me. eight years ago i worked on a similar project with a best friend, a mobile strung with nostalgia. beads, scraps and charms from jewelry boxes collected together and bound with thread. hanging them up helped put them away, or put them to use.
art book club’s collaborative art works are some of my favorite. this time we decided to make a book of it, but instead of chronological pages, we chose to create on every page anywhere we please. i just received the book for the first time and i’m looking forward to adding my part. a favorite page of mine:
This project is still very nebulous for me but I’ve been working a lot on self portraits I’m still a bit too scared to share. Looking at myself from unflattering angles, both physically and otherwise, how I’ve changed, how I stick up for myself and take up space, stand my ground. It feels self indulgent to pore over ever inch of my own body but I don’t know if I’m qualified to try and map someone else’s until I’ve mastered my own. Maybe the first step in the process is getting brave enough to share, to say this is how I am, this is how I see myself. I’m working on it.
bougainvillea grows through fences. sea gusts part the clouds. valencia oranges in boxes piled on the sidewalks, hands peeling the skin to show you the fruit. “very sweet, very sweet.”
it’s spring and art book club brainstorming is in full bloom. my good friend Nick gave me these two books a few months before our current project “breakthrough” began, and something tells me they will play a part in my work very soon. i’m reading “journals and sketchbooks” as inspiration for my coming turn with our group’s journal. sharing a journal in this project is a nod to art book club’s first collaboration, and i’m really looking forward to what our combined musings will have to say five years later (!!)
i’m also currently reading “milk and honey” by rupi kaur, and this poem stuck out to me as it’s how i feel about the group effort that is art book club. the work i produce for myself as well as in a collective must stay true.
space / body / phases – three works in the end.
Just three! Feeling the pressure to make these three the very best they can be. Feeling overwhelmed deciding if I should try new techniques or stick to what I know. Feeling excited.
I’m thinking about phases of life:
This is for sure what I am going with -but then I struggle with how to represent each topic because my mind goes in 100 different directions because the possibilities are endless.
In the end, I need to trust what I know because it has been working for me for many years and it IS me.
The biggest question in every area of life and art all the time always.
Easing into this collaboration once again, I experimented with some new color combinations and a variety of paper textures/weight.
thoughts included bodies, cancer, and sex. painting in this bedroom is somewhat new to me, but the light is perfect in the afternoon.